November 17th, 1997

I cannot believe it's been 11 years. Wow. I will never forget that beautiful November 17th day in 1997. I was driving my blue 1983 Volvo, hadn't even left home for college yet, was still trying to figure out what I would "do when I grew up" when something happened that would change my life forever. Forever. I will never forget thinking about how totally discusting I was on the inside. How utterly embarrassing my pride in myself and my abilities had grown. To my knees I fell, pleading for God to take my life and make with it what he wanted. That day was a turning point for me and life has never been the same. Never. It is quite amazing to look back and know that at such a crucial time in my life, God had his hand all over me. 11 years ago today, he decided to show me Himself vividly. The confidence that he has given me in Him compares to nothing in this world. No Granite Kitchen Coutertop, no Louis Vitton purse, no trip to New York City. Nothing has given me the confidence and peace that come with knowing God. Nothing.
The most profound thing God has shown me since that day 11 years ago is the power of prayer. I do not know why God chooses to answer yes sometimes and no others, but I do know this, when he answers yes, you know it. You know when it's Him. Him Alone. I would give anything to know God. I still fail, daily. Other gods battle with my heart and mind to win me over, but I know in the stillness, that God Alone is. He is. And he will always be. I like nice things. I like big houses and fancy cars. I like cute, name brand clothes for my little one. But I know that none of this compares to the peace and security He alone gives. None of it. It's fun to have nice things, but it's fulfilling to have a relationship with the Almighty. In many of my journal posts since that day, I have thanked God for saving me. Thank you, Lord, for my salvation. For enabling me to choose you! Thank you for taking the veil off my eyes, as the scriptures teach. And thank you that even when I can't see your hand, I can trust your plan. Oh, God, thank you. Words don't do your grace and mercy justice. Thank dear God, that 11 years ago today, you changed me - on the inside - forever.